Hi everyone! I hope you are having a lovely day; just so you know it’s like super early right now, but I figured I may as well get stuck in…you are listening to and or watching Sarah O’Rourke, ‘Bipolar and Me’ we are on our 2nd episode in the 2nd series ‘In with the New’. Sorry it has been a while I am getting used to my new normal, please forgive me.
Before I start, I would like to say a bit of a disclaimer (the reason I do this is in case other people put a comment….which they are more than welcome to on my Facebook page about topics they wish to discuss) I guess because we are talking about some content listeners / readers / viewers may find disturbing.
There may be reference to you know some over 18 activity and mental health is a sensitive topic and we do approach the more difficult areas like suicide.
Please remember if you are experiencing an emergency to call for help on 999/911 depending on where you are in this crazy world! I am not a doctor or therapist these are my views and relate to my experiences.
I will aim to post my content all on the same day you can like comment dare to share remember hit subscribe. Thank you to those who have already! My goal is 40 subscribers by next Friday on YouTube… help a girl out! Show the love & support me in my journey it means the world.
Now let me get into it…For the first 12 months of my illness, we basically had no idea what it actually was, until I got a diagnosis in 2019. Even though it was a label, it was an answer so, I did feel light relief.
I just about got my head around it and then 2020 lockdown started. I had enrolled in college for barbering but training during lockdown was pretty impossible. The whole open and closed every 5 minutes.
Staying in was easy for me though … I had been preparing for 12 months by chance (and fear of going out after real and unreal anymore).
So as it turned out the world was changing while I was. People started to discuss mental health more to I noticed and my perception of that is …for the 1st time in (for some people) for ever there was nothing to do except reflect.
The training took its toll on me though still. I was so exhausted. In the end that plus my cognitive ability / disability made it near impossible so I stopped.
What a blow that was. I cannot even begin to explain how upset I was about this because I had tried so very hard to achieve it…but some things just would not stick in my head!
I threw myself into learning how to crochet, reading and serial killer documentaries (because when you have anxiety there is nothing like scaring yourself to sleep quite honestly). All of which I can do at my own pace or stop/start when I am tired. Up to the point of writing this I have lost 24lb in total. Which is good I was anxious about heart disease and diabetes etc…I drive my doctors mad. I am on a healthy road now. Thankfully …lost my way for bit but I am back on track.
So at this point Jan 2022 I am a teaching, acting, barbering, broadcasting crochet-er. Slash radio host.
For the first time in a very long time, I am finding true peace in my life.
This is because of …this! What I am doing but also because I am at an acceptance stage now, I think.
I don’t put unnecessary pressure on myself anymore because I am my own worst judge jury and executioner at the end of the day.
I don’t commit unless am 100% and also only if others understand my plans are provisional because apparently chemicals in my brain love a test. Especially if it’s an important plan …they love to have a good imbalance.
I am more ready for the new adventures my life is bringing and obviously not everything is rosy far from it, but I make the best of what I have got…I always have the right intentions and I mean well and that’s what’s important. Positivity is key.
I am going to be all those things I look for in other people, mirroring the standards I want in my life…surround myself with others who have a confident, truthful…empathetic character (these are great attributes to have) I am so lucky to have these ha.
I want to be the example, set the tone and scene of positive healthy relationships and be a role model for my kids so they don’t make the same mistakes I perhaps have.
Even though this is all sounding like I paint myself as a saint that’s not what I am trying to do, I just believe in karma…if you truly are good inside I mean, and your intentions are right you cannot go wrong. Yes, bad things can happen to good people too am not denying that and when these tests are thrown at us its more important than ever to have integrity and do your best literally try my best try your best!
I have more time to be creative and make things happen at a pace that is right for me with the support of the community mental health team who have been so good supporting me. Our super NHS!
My boys and dad are understanding better what is happening with me and why I am this way …which is just massive that we have that understanding.
I am in a good place even when I feel manic or low, I know I have what I need, and I access the support available to me both practically and emotionally it’s a really positive position to be in and I am lucky I am here. I still have my moments like anyone else.
All that being said a huge thank you for watching if you think you would like more content like this then hit that like button and subscribe have a truly wonderful day! Bye for now…
