Hi everyone! I hope you are having a lovely day, you are listening to Sarah O’Rourke, ‘Bipolar and Me’ we are on our 6th episode ‘My Enemy Annie’. Before I start, I would like to say a bit of a disclaimer I guess because we are talking about some content listeners may find disturbing. there may be reference to you know some over 18 activity and mental health is a sensitive topic and we do approach the more difficult areas like suicide. So if you are struggling be sure to visit the mind website ( I find this useful) and also in emergencies call 911/999!
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As if there isn’t enough going on I was delivered a unhelpful dose of GAD also known as Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Let me now introduce you to probably my biggest hurdle…anxious Annie. I actually had no idea I had this till 2015. I changed jobs and at the same time experienced chest pains and rapid heartbeats,,, I also carried a plastic bag in my car because I was constantly feeling sick. After many tests I was told it was anxiety. You could of pushed me off the chair when the doctor told me I had no idea!!
It is only recently (2022) in case you for got what year we are in…that I started to be receptive to medicating this.
The best way to relate if you have no clue is imagine you drank alcohol last night and made some choices that were not say with your usual character and embarrassing… I call it the horrors well that’s basically how you fell all the time. I can feel like I am losing touch with reality and this happens before and after mania …. And before and after depression.
This can lead to panick attacks and I cant quiet express enough how bad they feel…but I will do my best. Personally I quiet literally feel like I am dying.
My legs shake, my vision goes blurred and I can not breath or catch my breath.
I can’t think of a trigger except I worked for a demanding head teacher at the time… but I used to get anxious even just eating in front of people. I know I let people down because of this I let myself down too. Even activities I enjoy have become impossible to undertake. I rarely leave my house alone because of it. It has isolated me massively. I can not plana journey as a fear getting lost alone and havinga dreaded attack. The reality is I sit on the bed in my room worrying so much and I can not even tell you exactly what about…. But I spend too much time on this bed experiencing dread. Anxious Annie my Enemy.
I have recently took steps to conquer this by reaching out to the charity mind for peer to peer support online. I believe developing discussions will decrease it somewhat and exposing it just putting it out there as honest as I can might help.
I intend to take better care of my needs and developing more routines around mindfulness and self-care.
I think over the course of this 6 part series I have explained as best as I can how I feel and how it got that way. I wanted to lay down the foundations for a much more light hearted and fun way of expressing this ‘disorder’.
I would like to say a huge massive than you for all of your time as with out you I really would not and could not do this.
As part of the next series I am interested in topics you would like me to discuss by adding it to the comments, remember you can always like or dare to share. I appreciate any feedback so thanks again and hopefully will be adding the next series very soon.
Thank you all again and we will chat soon ( I hope).