Hi everyone! I hope you are having a lovely day, you are listening to Sarah O’Rourke, ‘Bipolar and Me’ we are on our 5th episode ‘Emotions Riding High’.
Before I start, I would like to say a bit of a disclaimer I guess because we are talking about some content listeners may find disturbing. there may be reference to you know some over 18 activity and mental health is a sensitive topic and we do approach the more difficult areas like suicide. If you are struggling please visit the website ‘Mind’ or call 911 in the U.S and it is 999 UK for emergencies.
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I am really excited about this you know you’re all coming on this journey with me, and I am just so grateful you’re listening / reading right now because without listers I really couldn’t do it.
I made a reference in an earlier pod cast I think the 1st about how feelings are 110%. There are no in between, so I am all or nothing.
I can’t ever recall having mixed emotions where it may be 50/50. There can be triggers that set particular emotions off which when you think of it that’s pretty normal … I can be appropriately sad for example. They can also come from no where and be very over whelming.
I can feel a completely different emotion to others regarding the same thing so for example it might make you happy, but it will make me super excited like 110%.
Its all very extreme…and tiring. I know I struggle but I literally do not know how my dad and kids cope with that at all?
I think of it as a chemical imbalance but do not quote me. I am no therapist or doctor. In any event it isn’t chosen so to call someone selfish for feeling a particular way or behaving a certain way is quiet matter of factly irresponsible and it is a dated uneducated view of MH. It just adds more shame and guilt to a very sensitive situation. Plainly incorrect.
A person be it me or you or who ever with any disorder can not help how they act or how they feel. It is a very serious mental health condition.
When behaviour does effect others I will explain my bipolar and apologise. I am also aware that it leaves me emotionally vulnerable and easy to manipulate and I learned that the hard way.
Now I have discussed mania the most and I want to delve into the lows… I have obviously been putting it off as it is difficult and sensitive to discuss.
So what goes up must come down and we don’t half crash. I know I do anyway. Without medications you can go extremely low, and even become suicidal. When thoughts about suicide become more intrusive and obsessive seek help/support. Call 999 / 911 if it is an emergency. I know I began to really reason with my departing from here and explain it away with excuses of how everybody would be ok even better off but the reality is once you discuss this as you hear the words leaving your lips that’s the start of getting better. Speaking about how you feel is so important.
My mood is more stabilised, and lows look sleepy to me now. I still lose interest in activities; I don’t find enjoyment in anything and to be a fair even a lottery win probably can’t get you out of it.
I have said it before I will again my dad has saved my life, I don’t even think he knows it.
If I do go that low, we have a plan we follow and code words to use so I can be admitted to hospital.
I am still really well supported by our health care system in the UK luckily!
So thank you for reading or listening and remember to be kind.
